We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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