He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
