At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
