ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize