proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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