We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize