Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
