we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
