This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
