ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize