The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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