every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
