I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
