dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
