I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
