Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
