guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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