Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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