I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
