I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
