Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize