; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
