My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
