Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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