I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
