so that wasnt chicken after all
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
