i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
