I should be sponsored by Trojan
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
