A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
