he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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