its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
