You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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