Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
