gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize