what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
