Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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