Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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