break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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