I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize