I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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