I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
