Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
