So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
