Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize