Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think people are normalizing furries
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize