oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
