RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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