OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
