hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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