All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
