my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
