it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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