It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize