my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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