I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
