Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm too high and old for this...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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