You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize