It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
