she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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