butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
try to milk me bitch
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
