I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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