Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize