One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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