My friends, they love my intelligence
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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