i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
