she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
