anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
