it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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