i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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