Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
