I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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