I haven't been this sober since birth.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
