Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
