Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
