so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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