apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
