I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
