Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
