chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
