And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
