Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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