so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
