i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
